


Satan is the Name he Goes By

by Firecomingoutofamonkeyshead



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: 2doc - Freeform, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:34:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24448936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firecomingoutofamonkeyshead/pseuds/Firecomingoutofamonkeyshead
Summary: TW: Abusive relationships, drug and alcohol abuse & (sex obv)Satan is the name he goes by,he got a lot of devil in his eye,when you fall you see your fate,a look of love soon turns intoa gaze of hatehe got a kiss of fire and it burns you up,breaks your heart and it hurts likeit hurts like fuck
Relationships: Murdoc Niccals/Original Character(s), Murdoc Niccals/Stuart "2D" Pot, Stuart "2D" Pot/Original Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	1. 2D - 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so this is eventually going to turn into 2doc however it has Murdoc and 2D somewhat in a relationship with an OC at the beginning, if you'd rather just read the 2doc I'll let you know what chapters these are but the OC is really there to kind of build up resentment and jealousy.

Something was off. He could taste it on his tongue, like a hair in his mouth, irritating and unable to locate exactly where it was. The tectonic plates under Kong had shifted and it was... uncomfortable to not know what was coming.

He knew everyone else could sense it too, the air was taught on Bake Off night. Usually a night of simple pleasure and relaxation. 2D resented whatever was bringing this atmosphere already, it felt like a bug bite on his back he couldn't quite reach to scratch.

He sat perched on the ledge of the couch, his spindly legs drawn up underneath him, an elbow on the arm, reaching up to twiddle his hair as he stared blankly at the screen. Usually, D relished these nights, Noodle at the other end of the sofa giving predictions on who was to win, Russel at the back of the room, peering over his paper every now and then to critique baking styles and himself, staring blindly at the screen, smoked out his tiny mind, tasting everything on the screen whilst the setting sun beamed through the window and warmed the back of his neck. But, tonight, he couldn't zone out. His head felt uncomfortable like it was working through something unbeknownst to him. He chewed his bottom lip.

2d noticed in his peripheral Murdoc stumbling quietly into the kitchen. Noodle gave him a glance, but largely ignored him and Russel point blank did not see him, or if he did, did not care. D studied him. Something was off. He seemed... sober. Well put together. Not his usual greasy, walking dead self. His hair was fluffy and thick, he'd always had thick hair but it was usually sheened with a fine layer of grease. His nails were painted and cut short. When he passed D in the hall he smelled of coconut and not... death but that could just be the malibu seeping through his pores. This troubled D. It was nice to see that he was taking care of himself. But for what reason. The black snake of anxiety coiled in the pit of his stomach. The unknown depths of Murdoc scared the shit out of him and it never faded. He was the definition of unpredictable. D could read the signs now though that the viper was about to strike, as slowly minute changes gave way to an unfurling of an angle or plan Murdoc was working on.

Murdoc was a tempest and D had suffered his fair share of his violent storms mainly at Platic Beach during the very worst part of their friendship. Murdoc was off the rails at that point. He could still conjure the taste of blood on his lips if he wanted to. Not only had the physical violence hurt but the idea that he had become Murdocs experiment, his guinea pig, sent D's head reeling. Whenever he thought about the sheer selfishness and egotistical side of Murdoc that tried to murder Noodle and replace her with his robot slave, D's stomach turned. Back then Murdoc wasn't Murdoc, D told himself, Murdoc has developed a sort of empty apathetic depression and it scared 2d. Not so much because Murdoc was an insufferable cunt, but because there were times in which he wasn't. That was the scariest part. There were times when Murdoc could be funny, sweet, charming and brilliant. D marvelled at the genius of him at times, his dedication, intelligence, ability to put things together that would blow your mind. But in him lay the monster, he was truly Jekyll and Hyde.

Suddenly D was pulled into an acid bath memory. His mind had ripped him from the safety of Kong and spat him out on Plastic Beach. The smell of rotting seaweed and damp stung his nostrils and he blinked his gritty eyes up at the thumping ceiling. He could feel his head throb with the ceiling and his hands trembled. He hadn't eaten for days and did not have the strength to move from the fetal position he was curled in. He knew that HE was up there banging around in the studio, doing god knows what, he didn't care, all he wanted to be was off this godforsaken rotting island. The door burst open, D blinked at the sudden light and the figure that slumped in the doorway. He normally would feel the dread, he could already tell he was drunk, but he didn't even have the energy for that. "Eat" What could almost be described as a half-eaten stale sandwich appeared in front of him. Although, he wasn't sure. He reached out and took a bite and kept his eyes on the floor, avoiding Murdoc at all costs. "Pathetic, look at you, not worth the piss you lie in" "I'd rather be pathetic than delusional you stupid fucking bastard" As soon as the words had fallen out 2D knew he was in for a beating, but it was worth it, it was worth getting a rise out of the prick. Murdoc booted his stomach 3 times, so hard, he threw up what he had left in his stomach. His vomit had never tasted so sweet, with the knowledge he had upset him.

That really was the worst, lowest, point in their "friendship". Since then, they had grown closer, they enjoyed each other's company. Sure there was the occasional blow-up, but 2d gave as good as he got, he always had, and somehow Murdoc respected this. He knew now how to control him, how to pull his strings just so, to play the situation to his gain. He had even begun to feel sorry for Murdoc, his rages, his cruelty, it was all from the horrible feeling Murdoc could not handle, a feeling of lack of control. Over the years he had begun to understand him. The saga's and tribulations of his antics had started to bother him less and less. 2D didn't know if this was because he too was growing as a person, knowing himself better and becoming wiser, stronger, independent. It had always been back and forth with Murdoc, torment and then sheer creative joy. There was no way D could part with him as much as he had wanted to at Plastic, the bond was too strong. Murdoc had been there, truly, through thick and thin, through life and death, even when 2d didn't want him to be, and for that he was thankful. He began to ponder the warmer side to their friendship, the sides in which D truly believed that Murdoc could be some sort of God. Well, if not just to himself.

It was a warm sunny afternoon in the old kong, the kong of home, the place where Gorillaz unfurled her tendrils and begun her descent on the world. The air always felt charged with electric excitement from the new sounds being crafted within it. Kong held a knowing power, an energy that she knew she held a bomb within her waiting to explode. The bomb was Gorillaz and she knew that the world was for the taking. Murdoc seemed to be intuned with it, his very being aligned with this aura, this knowledge, this prophecy. D felt privileged to even be a part of it - his masterpiece. Things had aligned mystically, god-like, perfectly, the accident with himself, Noodle ascending from her FedEx box like a heavenly being, Russell and his infinite wisdom, it was perfect. It was cosmic justice... or just Murdoc. D had a heavy hand in the music. Music was his expertise, its what coursed through his veins, its what he breathed. He had already put his inputs into a lot of the mixes, implementing movie scores and themes that he loved throughout the records. There was one track he knew Murdoc would love, a darker tone, but also one of his favourites - Dracula. D had spent the last few nights knee-deep in vampire movies, old school Dracula, Nosferatu, he was really feeling it. He did not, however, estimate how much this would bring him and Murdoc together. As they set to record, D lazed on a sofa, his vocals were quite relaxed for this one so he didn't feel the need to exert himself too much (not that he ever did). The track started but as soon as he heard Murdocs smoking bass hit its heavy and thick notes the hair on the back of his arms stood up and D could feel the blood rush to his head. It was amazing, it was excellent, it was genius. He remembered turning round in his seat to admire him in all his glory like he was born with that bass in his hands. D wished he could play like that, wished he could be as dynamic as that, as cool, as powerful as UNSTOPPABLE. The man was a force, with that bass and every single time he played it since then, it blew D away. He hated to admit it but Murdoc inspired him every day and the rivalry only abetted his creative growth.

Not to mention all the times that Murdoc had been there to pick up the pieces of D after he had melted his own brain on whatever cocktail of drugs he had decided to numb himself that night. And what a better doctor to help than a man with his own substance abuse demons. Murdoc had the antidote (and the poison) to cure everything. D and Murdoc were bound together, crushingly, by the desire to self punish.

When he snapped back to reality he had decided that it was time for a little investigation. Try to get some clues as to what was coming, what Murdoc was planning and why the sudden change in behaviour, he knew his bandmates would not want to even become involved but D had to torture himself and dare he admit, he found it a thrill to peek into the strange world of Mr Niccals. D sauntered to the kitchen under the guise of lighting a fag and smoking it out the window, as he passed Murdoc a gentle smell of lavender beckoned him. He took a quick passing glance at Murdocs, newly manicured, hands and noticed a few burn marks. "Been in at the lye again mate?" D let the lit cigarette flop from the corner of his lips, this was an inside joke to a past day where the boys had attempted to give themselves Fight Club lye burns before Noodle had spoiled the good old maiming. Murdoc's eyes shot up at D, he looked oddly flustered. "Cigarette burns" he mumbled, as though he had forgotten what D had just asked. D raised his eyebrows as Murdoc scurried back to his room with a mug of tea, coffee, vodka? who knew. That was his lot for the night, that's all he would get, but the worm burrowed further into his head as the 'mystery of Murdoc' continued to allude him.

"Liar" It was Noodle, but quietly, not looking up from her phone. Russell lowered his paper slightly and D lent on the countertop to look at her. "His hands are shaking now, he keeps scalding himself with the kettle". Noodle was the most observant and caring to Murdoc, after all, he was her mentor and the only one he hadn't emotionally traumatised or harmed. She was the only one who could reign him in and manage his tempers. D thought on this for a while, he couldn't make sense of it in his fried state. He retreated to bed, foggier than his usual high.


	2. Murdoc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing matters if you bury it deep,  
> take away the worry whats left to keep  
> never say youre sorry if what you mean is  
> do what you do and I wont hate you somehow  
> do what you do and get out of town
> 
> The songs in this chapter are: Gamma Ray - Beck, Ode to the Bouncer - Studio Killers & The Evil Has Landed - Queens of the Stoneage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is mainly Murdoc/OC this chapter

Murdoc  
-

Any celebratory occasion was an occasion for misery, Murdoc hated forced happiness. It was time to annihilate any sense of sobriety with cocaine and bucket loads of the strongest alcohol you could find. It was Halloween and Noodle's birthday and the band were off to some sort of party at Damon's gaff. Not Murdoc. He had decided to stay in, watch a psychological horror and maybe take a bad trip. 

He had managed to stomach a small birthday celebration with Noodle and even gave her a little card and one of his old Zippos - Noodle appreciate the sentimental things a little more and he wasn't that bad of a guy deep down. However, there was not a shot in hell that he would be mingling at some drab, rooftop, past-it, cocktail night. Those days were over, but he was still chasing the chaotic dragon of his youth, trying to light the fire in his blood again.

About an hour into his night of debauchery and self-punishment, the loneliness began to crush. He wanted to lose all sense of self. He decided he was going to head out to a party. Not the one where the rest of them were, he couldn't cope to be around them in this fragile state. He needed strangers, he needed people to adore him and he knew he wouldn't get that at Damon's.

Shit. Its Halloween, he needed a costume or something. Time to get in the fucking spirit. He did love to dress up though, now was the perfect time to pretend to be someone else completely.   
To pick himself up he slapped on Diana Ross - Upside Down and began to rifle through his wardrobe. What could he put together in the next couple of minutes? Nazi? He'd never get in, he lingered on the uniform adoringly for a moment, he loved to be the centre of controversy but now was not the time.   
There was the cape... but that wasn't a costume, that was a wardrobe staple and not to be used as a gimmick. 

In the end, he decided on a 1920s, pimp affair, all black, white suspenders and a cane. A pimp, why not? He knew he'd end up with his face in a strippers ass at the end of the night, motorboating her twerking. Probably. He thought it gave him a sort of Clockwork Orange allure.  
One last big line of the old Columbian marching powder and then he headed out. 

He decided to take the Bugatti, speed for his speeding mind. The beautiful thing about being rich is that it covered up the emotional destitution. Anyway, it didn't really belong to him, it was on loan for a video, he just had to pray he didn't wreck it.

On to the motorway, the lights of the city glistened ahead of him wistfully, blurry, like a Van Gough. The roaring engine was drowned out by Queens of the Stoneage, Murdoc had one hand on the wheel the other nursing a cigarette at his mouth. The window was cracked and it allowed the fresh cold air to snap through, catching his lungs and giving him the burst of adrenaline that lit his eyes up, it was sobering him a bit but that would soon be remedied. 

As he entered the city his heart started to burn, the acid lapped the back of his throat, he could not wait to stop having thoughts, goosebumps lined his exposed forearms.  
Dumping the car in the alley he headed round to the side of the club. He was late so there was no line, not that it mattered anyway, he'd always skip it.   
He walked past the bouncer or tried to, but the pig-faced prick blocked him with his arm.   
"Sorry mate, where else have you been tonight"  
There was one thing worse than being denied and that was being unrecognised. It was a slap in the face.   
Murdoc stepped back to size up the large, ape-like, lug in front of him.   
"Do you know who I am?" What a cliche, but he couldn't think of anything better to say.  
"Should I?"  
"SHOULD YOU!? My fat-head friend, you are lucky to be even in the presen-"  
"It's ok, he's with me, let him in Mark" A low, smokey and undeniably feminine voice came from behind him.  
Murdoc raised himself up on the balls of his feet to look over the bouncer's shoulder.  
The smoke coiled around her, she was a sight, perfectly poised against the brick wall. Murdoc could have gargled in the irony. She was head to toe red, dressed as the devil in lingerie, if the devil were to ever wear lingerie.   
Sweet Satan quite literally against the door of the club.

Murdoc was glad to be in out of the cold, surely this girl had recognised him. Thank god for fans.   
He entered, it was dark, the music was bouncing and so was his head. He couldn't see the girl anymore, the place was packed. He beelined for the bar to get some medicine for his head. He spotted her a few spaces down. He ordered a triple rum and coke and headed her way. She smiled mutedly.   
"Thanks love, bouncers, thick as pig shit eh?" He snaked an arm around her waist and leaned in closer. "What can I get you for your VERY generous, VERY sweet act of kindness, an autograph or summat?"   
She smirked and raised an eyebrow "You can get me a vodka and coke." She wiped his nose with a thumb, the remnants of the coke probably "Sweetheart."  
The look on her face, the lack of starstruck oggling, the over-familiarity let Murdoc know she didn't recognise him either. For the love of fuck DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHO HE IS? HES THE BEST BASSIST ON THIS SHIT PLANET.  
She was pretty though so Murdoc lined up the drinks.   
"Suuureely, you must have heard of Gorillaz?" Murdoc decided he would bless her.   
"I don't really listen to music, do you want to do blow in the toilets with me?" She threw her drink down her neck and grabbed his hand. She was fast as hell.  
Doesn't. Really. Listen. To. Music.   
One line of blow and he was out of there, she was clearly a psychopath.  
He took the key, thanked her and then promptly left to the other side of the club. Time to get absolutely melted.  
The wonderful thing about booze was it gave him the ability to block out almost all thoughts and memories and live entirely in a state of the present, Murdoc thought it almost Buddhist like in practice.

However he hadn't been quick enough and thoughts began to seep in, he wondered what the band were doing just now, probably listening to some drivel from a mind-numbing arsehole bragging about who he played golf with at the weekend, it made him angrier somehow. He downed his drink and lined up some more.  
He settled into a back corner of the club and let the music bounce through his bones, lapping up the attention he was getting from people who wanted to talk to him. He was slowly, bit by bit, losing all sense of knowledge, all sense of where he was and what was happening. 

Eventually, as he was necking some bird, god knows who she was or what she looked like, the club began to shut up. Murdoc was about to pack up and bring her to kong for a quick shag when he spotted Satan, through the crowds. Having some sort of epiphany, he realised he had no more blow back at Kong but he bet she did. Ditching the current girl, in a true bastard fashion (by telling her he was going to the toilet and fucking off), he wandered up to Satan (as she was known now) and slipped an arm around her waist.  
"Listen, do you want to come back to mine for a drink or summit love?"  
She studied him a moment and then shrugged "Okay why not, BUT if you're a murderer and are going to murder me I'm going to be really, really sad about it"  
Murdoc smirked, funny, very nice. He waited for her as she said goodbye to her friends and then let her follow him to his car. Here's the kicker, she's going to be squealing when she saw the car.  
But nope, nothing, just. silence. Shit. All he wanted out of tonight was to have his ego and his cock stroked. Maybe not all was lost.  
Climbing in and making their way to kong, he drove like a wild man, trying to make up probably for the lack of astonishment from her.   
"You won't know it, but you are on you're way to a very very special place, I'm taking you to THEE Kong Studios, because lucky for you, you have managed to bump into THEE Murdoc Niccals tonight" Murdoc muttered to her without taking his eyes off the road.  
"Oh I know who you are, I just wanted to appear aloof and mysterious" She grinned at him and somehow this made Murdoc hate her even more. Cocky shit. Cocaine, shag and gone. That was it.  
"Well thank fuck for that doll"

He skidded the car outside of Kong and left it unparked. He very quietly unlocked the door, he knew the gang would be back by now and he couldn't be bothered to wake them. Murdoc missed his Winnebago but he hadn't managed to have it moved yet from the car park it was being held in when they moved studio. Putting a finger over his lips he sushed her as the moved quietly through the halls and into his room near the basement. Luckily, his room was far enough away from anyone else's that nobody would hear them. Because Russell would go off his head, he had had enough of that when Murdoc and 2D would bring girls back after gigs and see who could make each one scream the loudest throughout the night. 

Murdoc's room was dark but not uncouth. It was tasteful. A deep royal blue with black carpets and a big black hardwood bed, that could sleep 5 people in it, tried and tested.  
"I'm Syd by the way, I know you never asked," She said sitting on the edge of his bed and taking off her heels and jacket, he replied by throwing her a bottle of rum.   
"Listen, I need to take this off" she gestured to the red paint on her face "Do you have like a bathroom, I'll only be like 10 minutes" Murdoc studied her for a while, normally, he wasn't hospitable to one night stands, but he didn't want to deal with the mess she would make if he didn't. He nodded and led her into the door of his bathroom, "Take a shower, if you like" He turned on the shower and she lightly kissed him on the cheek, "won't be long" and she shut the door behind her.

Murdoc immediately went searching for the coke in her jacket pockets, he could feel himself sobering, dangerously on the edge of being coherent and hungover. The depression would soon kick in. Shit, shit, shit. He couldn't find it and he desperately needed an upper.  
Realising this wasn't possible he poured himself a very strong drink, ook his shirt off and sat on the edge of the bed waiting for her to come out. As time went on he began to spiral.  
He thought about the lost and missed time he could have spent with tonight with Noodle, then he didn't feel so bad because he knew that she probably hated him as much as 2D did. Everybody hated him and he had engineered it to be that way, so he didn't have the heartbreak when they realised he truly was awful and hated the real him, like his dad and his brother. Murdoc's life had been unforgiving and so it had made him unforgiving too. He didn't feel he deserved relationships, happiness, anything. He deserved this cycle of toxic self-destruction, it was all he was good at. If he put on enough bravado and egotistic showmanship maybe he could con himself into believing his own worth one day.

Half an hour had passed and Syd came out of the bathroom to find Murdoc crying with his head in his hands, hunched over the side of his bed. With a towel wrapped around her she walked over to him and softly put a hand on his shoulder, Murdoc snarled in response like a rabid dog and told her to go. She sat, statuesque and blinked at him. This made Murdoc cry even harder, how can he continue to hurt everyone, even this poor girl he had abducted, he didn't want her getting close.   
She softly wrapped her arms around him and pulled Murdocs head into the middle of her chest. Murdoc softened slightly and allowed it, hot tears falling on to her and breath becoming ragged. He would stay here, in this warm embrace, so sweet and soft just for a little while. Just for slight relief. He wrapped his arms around her and she began to stroke his hair. The thoughts spiralled and spiralled in his head, becoming number and number. Eventually, he had no thoughts left, and fell asleep on her, breath still hitching occasionally.


	3. Murdoc 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> to know you  
> is to love you  
> i paid for you with tears  
> and swallowed all my pride  
> beautiful stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs for this chapter are:  
> Beautiful Stranger - Madonna  
> Step it up - Stereo MC'S  
> Heart is Black - Escondido
> 
> Okay so just a warning there is a detailed sex scene in this chapter! I'll put some stars where it stops and ends incase you want to skip over it (I've never really written a sex scene before so I don't know if its good)

It was the best Murdoc had ever slept. Judging by the choir of birds outside it was still early morning. He was in the middle of the bed and Syd was next to him with a leg hooked around his, facing away. He lifted himself up on his elbows to look at her, he was so out of it the night before he hadn't really got a good look.

She was like some sort of supermodel, conventionally extremely good looking. Her hair was a warm dark brown, tousled and still damp on the pillow, her skin was tan and immaculately clear, eyelashes were long and sat pretty on her soft-skinned face. She had a picturesque perfect Monroe mole above her lip, her face poetically symmetrical, she looked somewhat Italian or maybe Spanish.  
How in the name of fuck had Murdoc managed the pull this bird?  
He lifted the covers to look at her body, she was tall, tall and thin but with a perfect waist and satan, perfect tits. She was the sort of girl you see in magazines that you stuck to your bedroom ceiling when you were 14. Murdoc swallowed deeply, how had he managed to get her back here.  
Murdoc had boasted of sleeping with many women but a lot of them weren't anything special or were too drunk or stupid to really understand or see what an ugly bastard Murdoc really was.  
Murdoc silently thanked Satan for the terrible lighting in the club last night that must have eased her decision making in coming home with him. He braced himself for her seeing him in the light of day, no doubt she'd be out of here like a bat out of hell.

His throat was raw - a strong indicator he had been crying. He began to piece together the nightmare jigsaw of his night. He was utterly devastated that they had not had sex, but also equally devastated that he had had a sobbing fit on her.  
What have you become Niccals? An absolute waste of a man.  
Murdoc's first instinct was to flee the scene of the crime, but he couldn't risk her bumping into any of the band and explaining to them how he had become a gelatinous glob of tears. 

Murdoc's head was thumping, he needed the hair of the dog that bit him, a mongrel mutt of rum, vodka and coke. He swung his heavy legs out of the side of the bed and perched his hands on either side, lowering his head between his shoulder blades and sat for a good 5 minutes to re-calibrate himself in the carousel of his room.  
He fished around under the bed and found a pack of cigarettes, lighting one, he sat hunched until he felt a snaking arm wrap around his stomach.  
"Good morning beautiful, your bed is so comfy"  
Murdoc's stomach instinctively tightened under the foreign touch and his shoulders began to hunch. Beautiful? no need for sarcasm, what a bitter start to the day.  
Murdoc snorted "Yeah you like that? I used to have a bed that spun in a circle, had to get rid of it - gave me terrible motion sickness"  
There was a thick silence.  
What do you say to someone you've just met and shown your most vulnerable side to?

Murdoc had to flee the situation, he couldn't stomach it, he mumbled that he would be back and quickly stumbled upstairs in his boxers.  
Luckily it was still too early for anyone else to be up. Stomach swirling Murdoc decided to combat the anxiety by pumping himself full of caffeine to double down on the jitters. And not long after it had hit his stomach it came right back up into the sink.  
He headed to the bathroom and took a swig of mouthwash to rinse the taste out and stood, hands on the counter and thought about what to do.  
After he had spent a good amount of time reflecting he returned to find her cross-legged on the bed, eyes big and glassy, a cigarette between the gap in her front teeth.  
"Let's just pretend nothing happened last night" Murdoc sighed and sat, buckled with embarrassment.  
He felt her eyes on him, studying him with his head bowed, he could feel her eyes boring through him, scorching dark circles on to him. The air stiflingly quiet except for the burn and singe from her cigarette and her puff of smoke, what felt like an eternity passed. Murdoc's stomach wrestled with itself as the tension built. When she finally spoke the tension cracked in two and Murdocs shoulders rolled backwards in relief  
"Murdoc, there is clearly something very broken inside you, you don't have to be sorry or feel guilty about it." She leaned forward cupped his face in her hands and stared into his eyes.  
At first, Murdoc wanted to scramble like a trapped cat, she gave no room for him to hide, it's like she saw right through the veil of him and then it was like a sharp crack of lightning. She actually SAW him.  
Saw his demons, saw his angels, she saw through him. It was like she had known him all at once, despite not knowing him at all.  
It was refreshing to be told the truth and have it acknowledged that he was fucked up, especially by a stranger.  
His lip twitched, he didn't know what to say. He didn't have to say anything, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his.  
They were incredibly soft, Murdoc kissed her back in the usual forceful way he did whenever he was kissed.  
Murdoc was always in charge, he was always in control and it had to be like that otherwise he was afraid he might crumble into a million pieces and never be put back together again. Like a mentally unwell Humpty Dumpty.

She pushed lightly him back with her hand on his chest and he eased off. She pulled away a few inches and hovered close to his face, eyelashes almost touching and the sweet, hot taste of her breath travelling into his mouth.  
He could feel hope on his tongue, that he could be something more than a dark-hearted bastard for once in his life.  
There was a bond being made here, he could feel the strings being pulled taught between their minds. 

*******

He leaned forward to kiss her again, gentler, and they fell back on the bed, her body snapping with electricity against every contact point between them.  
He roamed his calloused hands down up and down her waist, she arched into him and ran a fire tipped tongue up his neck. He gasped, had he ever gasped before? It didn't feel like he had. His thumbs ran up her arms above her head, leaving goosebumps in their trail, and pressed against her wrists.

The back of his head crackled and popped inside as neurons re-ignited that had been left dormant or subdued by substances.  
He was so lost in the amazement of actually feeling something he forgot about the painful throb from his cock that was straining against his boxers.  
She seemed to read his mind and quickly slid her hand down and wrapped it around him. Murdoc bucked into her hand instinctually and quickly tore them off.  
She gently pushed her knee against his stomach and he flopped backwards, head-smacking off the headboard "Fuck".  
Taking no notice she gripped his shoulders and slid on to him until she hit his hips, sighing with pleasure.  
Murdoc sucked his teeth and his head lolled back in pleasure, eyes rolling if she didn't stop he'd cum, half of him fought with his need for control and half of him wanted to allow her to continue. She was so fucking tight, it was like fucking a vice, she didn't seem to want to let him go.  
She gave a few trial bounces, moaning softly, that just made things worse. He reached around and squeezed her cheeks, sharp nails digging into her soft skin. He tentatively looked up at her but there was nothing but sheer pleasure on her face, her mouth a beautiful round O shape, flushed cheeks, plump lips.

Murdoc flipped them over so he was on top and could manage himself a bit better, so he could set the pace.  
Murdoc gripped the headboard tight and couldn't help but thrust up into her, fast and heavy, sweat dripping down into his ears.  
Murdoc could thrust himself into the ether if he wanted, his body was built for thrusting and thrust he must.  
"Say my name" it came out like a breath, he always did this during sex, he couldn't help it. It triggered a carnal satisfaction in him to claim a girl, like he claimed his pray, leaving his mark over her, physically and literally.  
"Mmurdoc" It was a moan, he liked that, he liked the way his name sounded on her tongue. He liked the way his name could be moaned like that.  
Their breathing was synced in a rapid, gasping harmony.  
She flung her head back and her thighs squeezed around him, Murdoc arched down and took one of her nipples in his mouth, holding it with his teeth and spiralled his snake-like tongue around it.  
He could feel her clamp down around him and spasm, her chest heaved and her nails dug into his shoulders. The sudden movement made Murdoc cum violently and startingly. His toes curled and his brow furrowed as he pushed down trying to ride it out into her.  
Then he went limp, his arms dropping from the headboard. He rolled off of her chest heaving.  
None of them said anything for a long time, Murdoc felt his pulse still racing and drumming into his ears. As his breath regulated and his heart steadied he turned to her

"Did you?" his voice was coarse, his eyebrows lifted slightly. He didn't know why he cared so much now, he never cared if the girl had been satisfied any other time before. Murdoc's brain was too liquified to question that at this moment.  
"Yeah, shit." She replied with a soft smile  
"First time having sober sex in a long time, I'm glad my cock isn't dead" He handed her a cig without asking and lit his, lighting hers off his own whilst it was between her lips.  
There was a hesitance in Murdocs chest, shit, now he's opened up a pandora's box within himself, he's going to have to deal with feelings? The sex was quick and pretty basic, none of the bondage, paddles or whips that he was used to but oh god was it good, euphoric and electric.

**********

She looked at him through heavy-lidded eyes and a haze of smoke, weaving her hand through the back of his hair and guiding his head down to her lap where he lay quietly, like a child, staring up at her.  
He could feel it - the toll he had to pay, there was an unspoken deal between them. He had to tell her why he was crying last night. Murdoc had to confront it. You can't analyze the unknown but you can develop extreme paranoid fantasies about it.  
He was about to jump into the deep end. Black, still, unknown waters. Uncharted territory. International waters where laws don't exist. He held his breath.  
"So let's hear it, darling" Her voice was low and purring, comforting like an old loved book. Her fingers curled through his hair and he felt safe? was that the word? These feelings were unusual and foreign, he wasn't sure if he liked them yet.  
and then he told her,  
the trauma, the demons, the deep dark murky shit that he didn't want anybody else to know. The sewer of his trauma.  
It spilt out of him, unrelenting. She said nothing, she simply listened and played with his hair.  
It didn't solve all his problems, she wasn't god, this wasn't a prayer but it felt damn good to be heard by someone who didn't already hate him.


	4. 2D - 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealousy is gunfire  
> It makes you kill the vibe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I nearly killed myself trying to write this chapter. I do not like it at all, I don't know why my brain thought it would be fun to write because IT WAS NOT. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy because blood sweat and tears went into this (really just tears).
> 
> Im going to post this and then never think about it again
> 
> Songs for this chapter are:  
> Hollywood - Gorillaz  
> Sugar Me - Lynsey De Paul  
> Inside - Benny Bennassi

2d hadn't seen Murdoc for weeks. It worried him. What was he doing down there, he was too scared to check. he knew it was best to keep his distance with him when he was brooding like this. He hadn't been coming to writing sessions or recording anything and usually when they were working on an album Murdoc would be catapulted straight into making it as a sort of catharsis before they all split up to go on their separate adventures.

Then one day as he was sitting on the couch watching Evil Dead 2 (A classic and much better than the first one 2d always claimed), Noodle pottered into the kitchen with a cup in her hand and a girl behind her. Animated and chatting cheerfully.  
2D observed them, the girl was stunning, tanned, tall, toned with dimples that appeared even when she spoke.  
2d assumed it was some sort of marketing assistant or something like that. It did cross his mind it could be one of Noodle's flings but Noodle was very secretive about her love life and would never be seen in the house with anyone.

He considered hitting on her, but the last time he had done that it had cost him and Noodle was very upset that he had 'harassed' this poor woman trying to do her job, so he kept quiet but he kept flicking his eyes towards her. She wouldn't be able to tell what he was looking at anyway, that was the beauty of having no pupils. His interest piqued - he began to listen in over the screaming from the tv.

"Yeah, I pick the lice out his hair, pop his backacne, paint his nails, you know the full works"  
Noodle snorted "Its hard job looking after an adult baby, I am glad you are here to take over. But, why am I just meeting you?"  
"He's paranoid you'll all hate me"  
Noodle shook her head softly "well you already know where my room is, if you ever need a well-deserved break or an emotionally stable person to talk to you know where to find me"  
Both of them continued to talk but 2d's brain had already trailed off.  
It was doing work, hard work. What came easy to others often took a while for 2d to calculate.  
The rusty cogs turned and as he chewed his lip watching Ash saw off Linda's head his brain started to formulate the revelation.  
That wasn't Noodles girlfriend... that... that was Murdoc's girlfriend.  
2D's thick brows knitted together and he played with the frayed hem of his t-shirt. How had Murdoc managed to pull a bird like that? and why didn't he tell him, why wasn't he gloating? If 2d knew anything about Murdoc he would be parading around the house with her superglued to his fucking side, screaming about what a sexy beast he was.  
D's mouth opened and he looked up to ask but both girls had left already. His brain sometimes miscalculated lengths of time to be longer or shorter than they actually were.  
A funny feeling grew in D's stomach, he began to feel irritated. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair?  
He was the lead singer, he was the prettiest, the most deserving of a supermodel fucking girlfriend. Not that rotter.  
Feelings of anger, jealousy, rage, flooded back from when Paula had cheated on him with Murdoc. He felt the same.  
Come to think of it, that rat bastard had always been swooping in to sabotage his relationships.  
Well now it was time for 2d's revenge, he thought aptly, as the chainsaw roared from the screen.

A couple of days later, 2D was absent-mindedly plucking at a few string on a guitar Noodle had left propped up against the sofa in the living room, begging to be used. Russell was chowing his way through a bowl of gorgeous smelling ramen that he had cooked. 2D couldn't stomach it at this very early time in the morning of 12:00 pm.

Noodle sauntered her way in and perched herself at the desk near the window, pulling out some watercolours and a pad. She had always had a flair for art since she was little. She often brought the boys little crayon drawings that she had made which Russell would stick on the fridge, occasionally Murdoc gave her a white sticker to draw on and he stuck it on his bass. 2D thought wistfully of days gone past, the good and the bad, mixed into a watercolour of itself.

Then they fell into a sort of peace, 2D's strumming, Russell's spoon occasionally chiming against the bowl, Noodles sketching filling the room. No matter where they were they harmonized and made music. 2D had to admit he missed the bass, the underling grumbling, the hum of Murdoc that sometimes accompanied him, but 2D understood this was the way he was.

The peace was disrupted as the same girl from days before walked past the hall, popped her head around the wall and waved goodbye to Noodle.  
Noodle responded with a chirpy goodbye and a bright smile. Once again 2d's brain was too slow to detach itself from his melodic strumming, it took him a while to process.  
Russell seemed utterly flummoxed and asked Noodle who it was she was. Russell had seen a number of bodies enter and leave the house, some entering and then never appearing again, much more so in the early days of the band to his disapproval, when it was much more common to have huge parties that lasted weeks. Weeks of debauchery. Russell enjoyed a party... for a few hours, he didn't have the stamina of D or Murdoc.  
"Murdocs girlfriend Syd, she's very nice Russell, she's been staying a few days taking care of Muds"  
Russell grumbled and his spoon clattered in his bowl. 2D could tell he was unhappy that this was the reason why Murdoc had been slowing the creative album process.  
"Welcome to the know, Russell, come on in, we're having a party" 2D was feeling a little sour too.

2D had introduced himself to Syd politely and decided that it was time to put his charm into action. He began to walk around the house shirtless a lot more, the desired effect: Unkown considering he was so gangly and skinny. He would also make sure he was caught singing, he was always told (mostly by Murdoc) that he had the voice of an angel. She had commented a few times on the melodies he sang but never on his voice. He started to wear stronger aftershave rather than just lynx body spray that he usually half-hearted sprayed over his stale cigarette stained torso, Noodle commented he smelled of sandalwood but that was about it.  
He was getting more and more frustrated as time went on, how could it be this hard? He was used to girls falling at his feet, groupies throwing their knickers on stage for him and yet he couldn't even manage a conversation longer than 3 minutes with her.  
It's like she had a Murdoc vortex surrounding her.  
2D even began to wonder if she was a cyborg he had made and programmed to ignore 2d just to get to him.  
To be honest, 2d didn't really know what he was doing, he didn't have a tactic and lacked the graft in charming women, which Murdoc seemed to do so well at. Mostly because he never had to work for a woman in his life. That was the rewards of being tall, pretty and talented.  
2D wasn't sure what she saw in Murdoc, obviously, there was the physical limitations, short and muggy sallow green, a greasy mop-top and a deformed nose. Not to mention his temper, the constant rambling, the ability to shut himself off from anyone else and inability to read a room. 2D was amazed that she was even here.  
Murdoc was usually "socialising" with the rest of the band, by trying to act out to get as much attention as possible by being extremely annoying.  
2D came to the conclusion that he must be hiding away in his room concealing his true identity and putting on a facade.

Eventually, after a few half-hearted attempts at trying to charm Syd the 'easy' way by acting passively 'cool' around her 2D thought, he'd better try the direct approach.  
Syd never really integrated with the band as she was still pretty much an outsider but she would usually say hello and goodbye or pop up in the kitchen to make something to eat for herself etc.  
2D seized the opportunity when she came in one day. Thankfully there was nobody else around.  
"Oi, Syd" he called and patted the free seat on the sofa next to him  
"Oh Hi 2d" She chirped and hesitated in the doorway for half a second before tentatively joining him. Usually, she would dive down to Murdocs room straight away (if 2d was unlucky he would hear both of them in his room, fueling the green fire within him)  
"Listen, I just wanted to check everything was ok, you know, with you and Murdoc..." 2d toyed with the tassels of a throw that was draped over the sofa he was sitting on, he paused for a while, contemplating his next move and whether or not he would go through with saying something so awful. 2d absolutely knew what he was doing and dirty tactics it would just have to be, there was no other way.  
"Emm. Yeah everything's fine" Syd eyed him, curiously  
"He's never... how do I say this... he's never hit you has he, Syd?" 2d chewed his bottom lip, technically he was right, Murdoc had a mean violent streak but he hadn't seen it since Plastic Beach and at that time he knew Murdoc was at his lowest. 2D gave as good as he got, he winced as the memory of him stabbing Murdoc and Murdoc having to be taken to A&E to stop from bleeding out floated to the top of his mind, he pushed it away.  
"What? No, christ no, what do you mean?" Syd's heckles got up, she became slightly defensive and her body stiffened.  
2d brought his wide palm up to the back of his neck and rubbed it.  
"Its nothing, its fine. Its just Murdoc has a bad temper, he... he hit me quite a lot, in fact that's why I" he shrugged and gestured to his eyes. Syd's face was horrified and ashen white. "When we met he, um, hit me with a car and put me in a coma. He kidnapped me and held me, prisoner, for a little while and he uh tried to kill Noodle and replace her with a robot he made" he tried to keep details to a minimum and was wringing his hands whilst saying this, what a lovely little actor he was.  
'He... I... 2d I am so SORRY" 2d thought he could see tears in her eyes as she flung her arms around him. 2d allowed himself a little smirk.  
"It's fine really, but, you know, if he is ever violent please come to me eh? Just don't tell him I told you this." 2D nuzzled into her hair, excellent, the seeds have been sown and now to watch the big flower bloom.

Syd left quietly to Murdocs room and 2d laid down on the sofa contended with his work for the day. He never saw her for the rest of the day, the rest of the band probably didn't even know she was in the house. 2d went about his day as usual. It didn't play on his mind because as far as he was concerned it was the truth. However, it was a little bit unfair to still hold Murdoc accountable for that especially when he had attended therapy and apologised (deeply and.. soggily) to 2D and Noodle who had, in turn, accepted his apology and vowed to move on. This was not moving on.

In the evening, after a lengthy piano practice, bringing together some new melodies 2d decided he would drag his exhausted body to bed. He popped into the bathroom to take 2 strong painkillers that would relax his body and mind enough to drift. He jumped into a hot shower and let the steam soak through his pores, he liked to use a chamomile soap to try and ease his nervous mind into a sense of peace. 2d could have trouble sleeping if he didn't complete his rituals, unlike Russel who could probably sleep on the point of a needle without waking, 2d often observed him jealously, thinking of ways to disrupt him from his aggravatingly tranquil states, especially during band practice.

2D dove straight into his bed afterwards which was strangled with tangled blankets. D got very cold at night, the blood didn't want to circulate to the far ends of his fingers and toes due to his bean-pole physique so he liked to make sure he was tightly wrapped. As he settled into his nest and shut his eyes, he picked up some faint noises. A few thumps and what sounded like distant shouting, too faint to decipher.  
He knew it was coming from Murdocs room. The tactic had worked.  
He smiled blissfully and let sleep take him.

He must have got up to get a drink or something because he came to whilst sleepily walking back to his room with a glass in his hand and heavy lids.  
As he neared Murdoc's door he heard the usual female moaning that had so irritated him if he had woken up at the wrong time. He had actually spent less time in his room trying to avoid it, Russell wondered why 2D was suddenly so interested in his taxidermy all of a sudden.  
Now instead of turning his stomach, his little crush on Syd had him imagining himself creating those noises from her, fostering little butterflies to erupt there instead.  
He paused, to listen maybe just a little while.  
The door was cracked and he couldn't really himself but take a little peek through.  
She had her hands on the headboard, on her knees and he tried to ignore Murdoc behind her, difficult but not impossible.  
She swung her head down between her shoulders and she must have seen him because she cracked a cheeky smile and looked right at him.  
D's breath stopped in his chest. Shit. He couldn't move he was stuck to the floor. Christ. christ. Murdoc seemed to notice and turned his head and all 2d could do was wait until a bottle or some other missile was launched at his head. Instead, Murdoc withdrew and came towards him. This was twice as bad as what 2d thought may happen. Impending murder loomed. 2D's trembling hands dropped the glass he was holding.  
Murdoc leaned one arm above the doorway.  
"Having fun?" he smirked and his eyes shot arrows into D's  
2D never answered, he kind of was still shell shocked, a deep flush crept up his neck as he shuffled trying to hide the boner that had appeared from watching she, who was now laying very naked, very exposed on Murdocs bed, and he couldn't really look away. Oh christ.  
"Bring him in, doc" she shouted, Murdoc turned to her, 2d couldn't see his expression but he grabbed 2d by the forearm and yanked him through the door at the same time.  
Oh no. This is very bad.  
"What do you want angel?" Murdoc still had his hand gripped tightly around D's arm as he stood awkwardly stuck in the middle of the room.  
She patted the pillow behind her and Murdoc seemed to know exactly what she meant, he straddled behind her so her head was laying on his chest.  
She leaned forward and grabbed a hold of 2D's wrists and pulled him down.  
D thought about resisting but since he was here and this was happening he would go along with it, it was kind of weird but not the weirdest thing that's happened to him.  
He let himself be guided gently to between her legs, he was nervous, his bony hands wrapped around her thighs, trembling slightly as his breath hitched. Her skin was cool to the touch like porcelain but seemed to slightly vibrate under his touch, the way you may expect a beehive to thrum.  
"Hurry up idiot we don't have all day" Murdoc growled and shattered any sort of blissful ignorance 2d had summoned to convince himself that he wasn't there, he pushed 2d's head down with roughness. 2D yelped and it muffled against her, she let a squeal of delight, 2D looked up. He liked that so he let his tongue get to work.  
2D had been down on a multitude of girls, he knew his way around. Every now and then he would look up to catch a glimpse of her face in ecstasy thrown back against Murdocs chest, Murdoc tweaking each of her nipples.  
She was writhing eventually and soon 2d's jeans felt extremely tight and his crotch was starting to hurt. He sighed and tried to shift around.  
She must have noticed this because she carefully put a foot on his thigh and gently pushed him back, keeping one hand on his wrist, pulling him forward and sliding off his belt. 2d sighed when she unzipped his jeans and closed his eyes taking out his cock and squeezing it. He swallowed deeply and suddenly both her legs were locked around him and pushing him towards her. 2d pushed back at first, alarmed, he didn't want to be this involved but eventually relented. He couldn't hold against the relief and pleasure of penetrating her, hot and wet and very very satisfying. He planted his hands at either side of her and she reached up and combed his hair with her hands. 2D's head was bowed, brow furrowed trying to cling on to some control, shoulders shuddering. He lifted his head and suddenly remembered Murdoc was there as well, his stomach tensed and ran cold as he made direct eye contact with him.  
There was something in his eyes, a hunger, a perverted desire.  
Then he heard it, a very thick bassline, a bassline that Murdoc had probably played during a rehearsal or something to warm up but he heard it so clearly thrum through his ears and the back of his head.  
She saw the tension on his face and guided his head back down towards her for a sweet kiss and 2d couldn't help his hips starting to judder and then thrust. She was oddly quiet, but her mouth was open and it looked like she could be moaning, although 2d couldn't hear it.

There was an odd atmosphere in the room, cool and smokey, goose pimples spotted 2d's arms, it was dark but not dark enough to not be able to see. 

He picked up the pace but he couldn't keep it up for long, he halted when his pelvis hit against her and bit his lip. It was beginning to get really difficult, he wasn't sure where to go from here. He looked at her for guidance, her eyes were warm and she nodded to him. He continued again and his breath became ragged and wild, sweat trickled down his forehead and was caught in his thick brow. He looked up again and once again Murdoc caught eyes with him, only inches from his face, he reached out and put his hand behind 2ds neck. He looked wild, wanton as well although he hadn't really been doing much except watching. For some reason, this thought plucked the strings in D's stomach straight to his crotch and blood rushed to his cheeks and made him extremely dizzy.  
As soon as Murdoc's skin came into contact with his own 2D's brain frizzled and crackled, the pressure in the room thickened the way it does before a storm. He grabbed very tightly onto her and bottomed out and came hard, seeing stars behind his closed eyelids. His shallow breath steading but his chest still heaving, his back slumping slightly. He fell back suddenly and hit the floor abruptly.

2D's body jolted and his heart restarted. He gasped a lungful of cold air and bolted straight up in bed. He was sticky and sweaty and his chest heaved rapidly. His boxers were a mess and his hair plastered to his head. The sheets were knotted around his legs. He could hear the moans of pleasure coming from the room behind him. Every one stabbing into his ears and sending a shockwave of humiliation through him.  
Fuck sake.  
The shame ran from his ears and down his throat. The embarrassment. Did he really just have a wet dream about fucking Murdoc? No. It was definitely about Syd. Definitely.  
Suddenly, D was infuriated that he had been made to feel this way, pathetic and small and out of control of his own mind. He slammed his fist against the wall to shut them up next door. He kicked the sheets off his bed and stormed his way into the bathroom. Shirking off his clothes and leaving them strewn across the floor. He got into the shower and tried to wash the feeling of that dream off him, but it seemed to stick to him like oil. He could still feel Murdocs cool hand on the back of his neck and he scrubbed it and scrubbed it. How could his body betray him? His stupid cock always did all his thinking, his brain could have fallen out of his ear in the car crash and 2d wouldn't have known the difference.


	5. Chapter 5 - 2D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I ain't here to break ya  
> Just see how far it will bend  
> Again and again, again and again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs for this chapter are -
> 
> I wanna make it witchu - Queens of the Stonage  
> I heard it through the grapevine - The Slits

The next few weeks were excruciating for 2D after the argument he had heard through the wall Murdoc had seemingly changed his mind about re-joining the rest of the group.  
Murdoc was around for band practice, barking orders as usual.  
He was there for meetings with Damon and Jamie.  
He was there for interviews.   
In fact he seemed to be around a whole lot more than he ever used to be. Although, his temperament hadn't changed as much as his personal grooming habits had.  
2D still had the borrowing worm in his stomach and had tried to annihilate any thought of that dream in his mind which was proving harder as it seemed to creep into his head more often than not.

Murdoc had been sitting around with Syd more too, which irked 2d. He was never really into public displays of affection but Murdoc would occasionally hold her hand, or she would stroke his hair and that would be enough to propel 2D from the room, stomach churning. And he could swear Murdoc smirked every time it happened.  
The roots of contempt started to grow over 2D, he began to stare at the two of them. Enraged. Here was his band, even himself, who had stuck by Murdoc and put up with all the suffering and abuse and torment for years on end, and he has not shown one ounce of kindness or decency and yet here he is with this... girl!? in fact who even was she, he knew nothing about her, and Murdoc had been treating her like shes the best fucking thing to happen to him.  
2d could spit.  
One morning 2d shuffled into the kitchen, sloshing around water in a coffee pot. Looking and feeling like shit. He hadn't slept much at all the night before, between his migraine and the giggling he could hear through the wall.  
Russell and Noodle were idly chit chatting, Russell at the helm of the frying pan, cooking what smelled like bacon and Noodle quietly having some cereal at the table.  
2D began to make his coffee, he'd need it probably just to stay awake today.   
"Hey Russ, Noodle" He grumbled. Yes, he was in a foul mood but it wasn't an excuse to take it out on others. He peered into Russells saucepan, contemplating eating but decided against it.  
"You want some?" cheerfully, Russell asked.  
"Nah, you're okay, thank you" 2D muttered  
"You sure? Make breakfast and in turn it makes you" Russell mused, everly wise  
"Na, thanks Russ. Coffee?" it only felt right to offer something in return.   
"Thank you" Russ replied, oil spitting from the pan on to 2D's hands which he snatched away. "Me too please" Came Noodles disconnected voice from the table.  
Russell took his coffee sweet and black with 3 sugars, Noodle liked hers black and strong, and D just had what was essentially a cup of warm coffee tasting milk.  
"You ok?" Russ studied 2d's face, pale and with his eye-bags looking heavier than usual.  
2D was quiet for a while and took a long sip of his coffee.   
"Does it bother anyone else?" He asked quietly, looking at his feet.  
"What?" Noodle enquired.  
2D let out an exasperated sigh, it had obviously not been bothering anyone else and he was the only one, meaning his dreams, his weird feelings were obviously making an impact on him. 2D was by all accounts quite emotionally intelligent, and he could feel in the pit of his stomach that something wasn't right with the way he was acting.  
"Its just, Murdocs girlfriend. Him and her... its weird isn't it? I mean, christ, we're talking about Murdoc here of all people. I cant believe I'm even talking about it, its making my head spin. How can he, out of all of us, be the first one in a stable relationship. Its bloody weird and annoying and just not right. Im sick of seeing them being all lovey dovey like everythings normal when we know its not!"  
There was an awkward pause and 2d could feel his hands clench and unclench involuntarily as the coffee swirled around in his stomach.  
"Um, well, I actually like Syd, she seems ok and she's been making big improvements to Murdocs mood and... general hygiene. Not to mention he's now coming up with far more material. I think she might be a good influence, 2d” Noodle spoke in a measured tone.  
"And you know, they haven't... it hasn't been glaringly obvious that they're in a relationship D, you know I'm not getting an overwhelming sense of affection from Murdoc towards her" Russell   
2D's stomach churned and he felt his face flush. How could he have read everything so wrong? He felt disjointed and alienated, why had he spilled all his feelings in one swoop.  
"Yeah you guys are right, sorry, sleep depravation innit, I'm going back to bed" He put down his coffee, the best thing to do now was to cover his own back even though he was fuming inside.  
"By the way, do you know how much energy we save using left over bath water for the coffee" He turned on his heel and smirked and left them wretching in the kitchen. It wasn't true but it was nice to get some perverted justice for the humiliation he had just felt.  
2D retreated to his room the rest of the day to feel sorry for himself and play video games.   
Eventually it was time to sleep, D's eyelids had been dropping shut every 5 minutes yet he kept trying to shirk off the tiredness. Afraid that the thoughts that had been invading his mind, the flashes of Murdoc from that dream, the images of him and Syd, the pangs of jealousy would come streaming in through his sleep and make things even more confusing for him the next morning.  
2D had even tried a dream catcher but hastily got rid of it after Noodle caught him trying to empty his "bad dreams" into the bin.  
He laid down and couldn't help but analyse the strange feelings and vibes that seemed to be floating around at the writing session the band had the day before. 2d swore he could see Murdoc glaring at him. What had 2d done for him to be angry about? Had he somehow sensed the dream? Was 2d giving off signals to him about him and Syd unknowingly? 2d began to scrutinise every inch of his behaviour from that day to make sure he hadn't accidentally done something. It became a mental torture and he fell into a shallow, fitful sleep.

2D woke to a subtle dip in the bed, he was that foggy he at first thought it was a dream. He opened his eyes as he heard the loosening of shoes and a belt buckle but it was too dark to see. From the raspy breathing and the faint whistle of his broken nose he knew it was Murdoc. As his brain assembled this information His body went into some sort of catatonic state, butterflies sprung from the pit of his stomach which he tried to suppress. He had probably stumbled into the wrong room as he was sometimes prone to doing.  
2d shut his eyes again, maybe if he was very still and quiet Murdoc would either fall into a small coma or leave, both of which could be dealt with in the morning.  
But D could feel him roll slightly closer to him, close enough to feel his breath hot on his face, the strong smell of whiskey from him.  
Murdoc inched slowly closer and closer, until their eyelashes threatened to touch. 2D fluttered his eyes open slightly, just a crack, but he could not see a thing, it was too dark, he suddenly wondered if Murdoc could see his eyes, and he shut them tight again.  
He was frozen. His heart pounded in his throat.  
He didn't know what to do, shit. His body was solid, his breath stopped and the unpredictability hung heavy in the air, thick between them.  
Then the bubble popped.  
Murdoc leaned forward and trapped D's bottom lip between his own, in an almost accidental state, very slowly as if it wasn’t really happening at all.   
2D would have laughed if he wasn't so terrified. It was extraordinarily tender.  
D felt Murdocs hand weave into the hair at the back of his neck, warm and soft but holding a sort of urgent energy, holding back from pushing 2D's head and crushing their lips together.  
2D couldn't help but let an almost silent sigh escape his lips into Murdocs mouth and by that point he allowed himself to kiss him back incredibly gentle almost as a ghost. He felt Murdoc moan at this almost from within his chest and shift closer again, pressing his chest and body up against 2D. His other hand snaking behind his waist and pushing 2D's stomach against his own, Murdoc was boiling hot to the touch, 2D swore he could feel a crackle of electricity where their bare hips touched.  
Murdoc lazily licked D's bottom lip and D opened his mouth. Instead of the frantic kissing that D expected to happen from Murdocs almost vibrating body he received a very soft and gentle kiss.   
Murdocs tongue moved forward until D's own tongue met it and pushed back against him.

2ds mind was floating out of his brain, he was swimming   
The kissing got more urgent and Murdoc slid his knee between 2D’s and shifted so he was leaning into him, 2D suddenly panicked at the pressure on his crotch, Murdoc was sure to know he was rock hard in this position.  
Murdoc rocked his hips slightly against him and 2D’s brow furrowed slightly, he didn’t want to move, he was in a tangle of ecstasy and fear. Murdocs hand skirted round his stomach and slid into his briefs, giving one his cheeks a firm squeeze, 2D gasped ever so slightly and his stomach and thighs tensed.  
Then Murdoc broke from the kiss, leaving a thin thread of saliva between their sleepy mouths. He sat for a little while, breathing heavily and then abruptly turned round.  
2D was stunned.  
What the fuck just happened? What the fuck was that!?  
He lay there quietly for a few moments and swallowed thickly.  
“M-murdoc?” He whispered, tentatively reaching out his fingers to touch his back lightly which was now facing him. Murdoc was like a wild animal, unpredictable and dangerous.  
“Sorry mate, you know I thought you were her, too bloody dark in here” Murdoc slurred and 2D frowned. Of course he fucking didn’t, he had nearly palmed 2D’s raging boner. He certainly knew he wasn’t Syd.  
But, there wasn’t much 2d could do about it.  
“Ok” he said meekly, and quietly shifted and turned his back. Murdoc didn’t get out the bed and around 10 minutes passed, 2D was still awake, heart pounding in his chest, the taste of sweet whiskey still numbing his tongue.  
“Did you want me to stop?” Murdoc mumbled quietly.  
“What?”  
“I said do you want me to stop?”  
“No” 2D whispered and then there was another long pause which felt like a life time.  
Murdoc rolled over and shimmied up until his chest was pressed against 2D’s back. 2D couldnt help but tense up, butterflies swarming from his stomach.   
D wanted to stop Murdoc now and just accept the embarrassed slap he’d receive like a martyr, but Murdocs hands were soft and his torso warm and strong pressed against his back.  
Cupping 2D’s crotch Murdoc ran his tongue along the ridge of 2D’s ear and his other hand pushed 2D’s stomach back against him so 2D could feel the strength of his cock curving up against his ass. This scared him even more and Murdoc sensed it.He gave D’s crotch a firm squeeze.   
2D whimpered and pushed his hips back and away but there was just Murdoc surrounding him and no escape.   
He must have been too loud because Murdoc clamped a steal hand over his mouth.  
“Shh, shh, shh” Murdoc hushed sloppily into his ear and the sickly sweet smell of alcohol seemingly seeping from his skin.  
2D struggled a bit, Murdocs hand muffled his whimpers.  
2D was certainly flushed, his breathing rapid and ragged as Murdoc freed his cock from the tightness of his briefs and gave it another firm squeeze. He then began it pump it in a steady rhythm.   
2D was squirming and moaning into Murdocs hand but eventually his hips started to relax and his fear gave way to pleasure. He gave in. If this is what Murdoc wanted this is what he wanted…

2D gasped, he couldn’t help but buck up into Murdocs fist. Murdocs whole body was pushed against him and his knee between 2D’s thighs that kept moving forward to keep him as close as he possibly could.  
There was a laziness to Murdocs hands and pace but this unwound 2D even more, his head spinning. 

Eventually, the way Murdocs breath began to puff and the feel of the hot, wet tip of his cock pressing slightly into 2D’s entrance sent him over the edge and he came thickly and embarrassingly over Murdocs fist, who lazily wiped it off on the edge of the mattress and turned around again.

2D sat, chest heaving and panting unable to catch a sense of reality with what had just happened. He didn’t know wether or not to break the silence and speak, or to turn around and return whatever that was. He lay paralysed. Instead of moving he decided that the best decision would be to pretend to drift off to sleep even though 2D knew he could never calm himself down enough to do that anytime soon. It would be better this way because 2D could pretend this hadn’t happened should Murdocs memory be a little fuzzy tomorrow morning.

2D increased the noise of his breathing steadily to sound deeper and remained perfectly frozen, too scared to even move an inch. A little while later when D was deep in a daydream about keyboards, trying to occupy his mind, he felt Murdoc jostle about next to him, then slowly begin a rhythmic rocking of the bed.  
As Murdocs breathing hitched he became aware of what he was up to next to him. 2D’s crotch seemed to be on fire all of a sudden. Not wanting to move and disturb anything he simply bit his lip and pushed the tension into the mattress slightly, rocking his hips in the most minuscule way along with Murdoc’s rhythm.   
Then, after a few more long painful minutes of this Murdoc came with a grunt.   
2D was left awake all night with a fire in his crotch that would not dull.

2D didn’t know when he drifted off but he heard birds calling outside. Then he awoke, groggy and crusty eyed. He slowly and fuzzily remembered the night before, and very slowly and quietly turned in trepidation. The right side was empty.  
2D initially breathed a sigh of relief, at least there was no awkward conversation to have. But he knew, with dread, that he eventually would have to face Murdoc.  
Silently, he peeled himself from his bed. Feeling awful, he chugged a handful of pills, dry swallowing them and letting them scratch his throat. He didn’t know if he was taking them for his migraine or to suffocate the bubbling feelings of complex emotions.  
2D entered the level of high he loved, not thinking anymore, just floating and then floated into a hot shower, a ghost of last night’s self.


End file.
